What’s been happening?

Gizmo has one more appointment for hopefully his final blood draw to conclude this FIP journey. I’m grateful for medical interventions that kept this from being the terminal illness it had been until just within the last 5-10 years. Having said that, it was difficult for me as a medical professional because I had questions that there were no real answers to. Dosage questions why/how they came to the calculated dose, the difference between pounds and kilograms… there’s a huge difference by the way. In the medical profession despite being located in the United States, we still use metric for everything; height, weight, medication calculations. This year will see me practicing respiratory for 17 years. Doing the conversions for height in inches to centimeters and pounds to kg is essentially automatic for me now. I can see a height and weight and do a quick conversion and be pretty dang close. Comes with years – almost 2 decades of practical applications. Being highly analytical this made Gizmo’s treatment hard for me personally.

My mental health suffered. My physical health suffered. I am back in therapy, and the focus has still been self care. I will admit I’m still not good at it after all these years – I still have that overwhelming but unnoticed to me tendency to put others needs before my own. Which has been a really big problem, so let me explain a bit. I have high blood pressure, asthmatic, and a type 2 diabetic. When I’m placed under high stress, I have no appetite and only eat just enough to take my medication twice a day. Because I didn’t make any changes to my diabetic medication this turned into me causing hypoglycemic episodes with blood sugars between 70-90. I felt it – light headed, dizzy and saw light spots. I will become very unbalanced. It’s not a good feeling. I ended up losing a fair bit of weight too quickly. My blood pressure medicine started working too well. Turns out I’m not hypotensive, with blood pressures averaging 100-105/60-70. Discussions with my primary care we have lowered both my blood pressure and my diabetes medicine with a recheck in a couple of weeks. Monitoring at home continues with blood sugars still not reaching 100 even 1 hour after eating, but at least it’s high enough I am not having symptoms.

My birthday was spent quietly at home. Hubs and I went out to Korean BBQ for my birthday dinner. I had originally planned to go back to Key West where we had our honeymoon for a week and a half. But Gizmo would still be on treatments and I didn’t want my parents who babysit for us to have to try and wrangle him for his daily pills. Not fair to my parents or my baby, too much potential stress and with his immune system still not back fully I refuse to further risk his health.

Gizmo is my first cat after I lost both Suki and Hemi in 2021. I had always wanted a bengal and Gizmo came home right after thanksgiving 2021. He’s been my little love ever since. Getting the diagnosis last year on Black Friday completely devastated me. I was an emotional wreck, trying to hold it together so I could continue working and making plans and networking to get his treatments together. The networking wouldn’t even have been possible without the valuable input and insight from my incredible bengal breeder. Yes I was a client but I got a second gorgeous bengal from her in 2022 and I consider her a good friend. I truly appreciate her support and being able to vent and cry my fears and feelings to her.

Gizmo meanwhile has gained all the weight back he lost, his energy is back and he’s now constantly begging for his new favorite treats: Churu. I’m in a better place emotionally but still not necessarily doing much self care… Therapy is keeping me accountable for what I am actually physically doing for myself. I’ve been wanting to write this out but haven’t been in the right headspace for it. But I know it needs to come out because I keep ruminating and that is not healthy either.

41

Time flies whether you’re having fun or not.

I started this entry in January of this year and it is now November 10, and I never got back to it. I now have 2 bengal kittens, I picked up a little brother for Gizmo named Hobbes. He came home the weekend before Labor Day. That little porker is already bigger than Gizmo was at this age…. He’s going to turn into a little big monster kitty.

So far 40 going into 41 means my arthritis gives me 48 hours advance notice of rain or snow. It means my back hurts when it rains now. I’m more silver than raven haired (which I’m ok with). I am giving up coloring my hair and I’m going to let the witches streak at my right temple come out.

Covid isn’t going anywhere any time soon. In spite of that I took this week off for the first bit of time off I’ve had in 3 years. It didn’t quite go as planned because Gizmo decided to have a pretty good vaccine reaction and was vomiting and not eating last weekend I was working, so Monday and Tuesday were spent back and forth at the vet to make sure he was ok. He’s ok – he’s eating like it’s going out of style. He’s already nearly 7 pounds and not quite 5 months old yet! He’s gonna be a big boy!

I got a bengal kitten – he came home right after Thanksgiving last year. He’s a cuddly joy.

Hubs is doing well – he came home early Tuesday because I was so tired from Gizmo going back and forth. He picked up my baby so I could nap. Such a good hubs. We’ll be celebrating 9 years wedding anniversary this year. Ten years together – time flies!

Rain rain go away….

Every time I think we’re going to have a few days without rain, it rains again. It means there is mold and mildew literally everywhere, and asthmatics like myself, as well as others with pulmonary issues are having a tough time. I’m pretty sure I have bronchitis, even though Patient First didn’t think so. So I started taking pictures of the wonderfully colored mucous I’ve been having a hard time coughing up. I can feel it just stuck in my chest…. ugh. (And in case you forget, yes, I look at it. I would look at your phlegm too – part and parcel with my job 😉).

I have been trying to take it easy, but uh, it’s not easy. I did a few loads of laundry this weekend, changed the linens on the beds, cleaned up my desk, and started going through more of my books, ones I wish to keep vs donate.

Ok so I haven’t really been taking it ‘easy’.

I did finish part 1 of the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina – and I am definitely hooked. I absolutely can not wait to find out what happens, and I think I might start season 1 of Riverdale to cope. (Netflix obsession??? Never)!!! This is definitely not the ABC family version of Sabrina the Teenage Witch – this is dark and very much like a hour long horror film with each episode. Watching Sabrina grow emotionally and mature is very similar to my love of Wonder Woman…. so it’s no wonder I love the show so much. ❤️

A winter coat

Everyone has one right?

Before this winter, I had not purchased a new winter coat in over 10 years. After being berated over my spending on a book or 2 once a month, and over house essentials at Target, I just never bothered. I did not purchase new clothes in general during my first marriage. Once my money became “our” money, I no longer had funds to purchase myself new clothes, new work shoes or even new work uniforms. I got new work shoes, shoes and socks from my parents. I had to justify getting more work uniforms from my EX since he paid the bills and controlled the money. As a result, I never purchased a new coat, I used the one I got when I worked at my retail job during my school years.

It’s taken me that long to finally justify getting a new winter coat. I also use the above example to let you know, I still have that coat. I don’t throw clothes out, I basically wear it to death.

Which means I went overboard after my separation with getting new clothes. Now that we’re trying to get the house ready to sell, I have a lot of clothes in donation bags. I’d rather the clothes go to someone who really needs them, someone like me who didn’t really get new clothes, unless my parents bought them for me.

In happier news, for St. Patty’s day we’re going to a concert tomorrow night. The first time I think we’ve been back to see this particular band since DH proposed to me 5 years ago! Should be a really great time. 😉

Something interesting and funny

My therapist said I should start my own business offering dating advice and life coaching. I love to help people and it’s something that gives me so much joy and energy. I don’t know if I’m any good at it (because I may think so but who actually knows) but I’ve had good feedback from friends and family. ☺️

A great example of this a conversation I had with a patient last week.

Patient (P): Are you any good at drawing blood?

Me: I don’t know, but I’ll be straight with you: I’ve been doing this way too long – 11years.

P: I like your honesty

M: How about you tell me if I’m any good after I’m done?

….. gets sample

M: How was that?

P: Yeah, you’re awesome.

So the whole dating and relationship thing: Yeah I’ve had 2 serious relationships that ended in marriage, and a divorce and a whole lotta dating in between which means I’ve been in relationships/dating for wow 18 years. So I think I’ve got the life experience down, and I definitely have a different perspective and a funny delivery for it.

Plus there are a lot of positives about everything that happened, or that’s the way I see it. I don’t think anything is black and white, life is mostly a beautiful charcoal grey.

I think my whole philosophy is just being able to find a new perspective, a new way at looking at your life, dating and your relationship will help you see things in a more positive way. Positive people attract other positive people. 🍮 And flan just because.

I’m going to make flan today….

My new’ish truck

Forgive the salt on it – it’s been a surprisingly snowy winter! So by new’ish means I bought it new at the end of September and haven’t posted about it. 😀 It has all the room for 3 large puppies, me, DH and luggage for trips. This was the truck I was told that I didn’t need, because it was too big and I should just get the Edge. So… that was in 2009 and 9 years later here it is! For the sake of clarity my DH would never tell me not to get it because it’s not what I need, the X said that. My truck is another step in working through the baggage I got saddled with from the X. One step at a time, moving forward.

This post is dedicated to my new friend 🙂

Busy Busy Busy!

I need to get off my ass and finish writing more reviews…. I wonder if I’m ever going to get used to this new aspect of my job? Yearly evals… I hated getting them and now I’m giving them? Very weird and surreal.

Randomness: I re-watched Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist … and forgot how much I love that movie.

Went to a friend’s to celebrate her birthday and mostly had a good time. Dear husband and I were kind of aghast at another guests’ ignorance… I actually had to just stop talking because I was getting upset. It’s been a long time since someone accused me of being irresponsible with my dogs; especially after aforementioned guest told us a story how her show dog Weimaraner un-provoked attacked a child. The dog was not on leash or behind a fence, and yet my Rottie is dangerous? She said she didn’t want to live next door to me, and my last word was “I’m okay with that!!” My hubby did back me up and it got both of our hackles up… Ugh. Anyway she’s not my friend and I don’t have to see her.

Got back from my other good friend’s wedding at the end of June. Beautiful weather, lovely people all around. She looked gorgeous in her wedding dress.

I’m so looking forward to vacation at the end of August.

Still knitting… working on Citron again and Brickless. Not having a whole lot of luck either way… just can’t seem to find the motivation to work on them for anything significant length of time.

So yeah it’s been a busy few weeks no?

I hope everyone is enjoying July… it’s just flying on by (at least to me it is)!

Jumble

This is going to just be a random jumble of things I want to remember/look back on later.

First, I got the promotion I applied for. I always said I never wanted to enter into management but well there it is. My official start date is tomorrow, Sunday Oct. 29. I will be starting my shift Nov. 5 Monday. It’s exciting and nerve wracking at the same time (because as always I want to do the best job possible).

Secondly, this Renn Faire season was great. I found a beautiful new costume to wear for next years Faire (alternating the green ensemble I have), I got 2 beautiful chignon pins (my hair has gotten so long! I can twist it up now), an incredible silk skirt from Bullseye (found during the last weekend of Faire… that makes me sad), and a drool worthy leather satchel. Overall an excellent haul, and I can’t wait for next season’s Faire! I was able to show K everything I loved about it, all the shops and of course he got to see my flaunt my assets 😛

Kodi continues to eat like a puppy – as if he’s never going to see another meal again. He’s become a lovable teddy bear, just as excited as Tifa to see us come home. He’s easily become part of our family – Squiggles still can’t stand him though. Oh and speaking of Squiggles, it looks like he has completely defected to Mommy-camp – effectively dumping daddy. He sleeps on my pillow, or my sweater, or on my shoes. And he’ll follow me around like a puppy. 🙂

I am getting over a nasty sinus infection and a cold combo which has been awful, made more so by the fact I have been working through it. I’m training and I refuse to let this cold get me down. So this weekend  is relaxing, chores, knitting and prepping for this supposedly “huge” storm we’re getting. God forbid they make it a weather emergency… cause then I have to go to work. 😦 People are insane today – I ran out for a few nonperishable items, and dog and cat food that was it. But the parking lot was a zoo, people honking, people running in front of cars in the parking lot, all for milk and toilet paper (and water). Ugh I can’t wait till I start my evenings, then I can avoid all that hassle again. Training every day has upset my normal schedule.

Well whenever Sandy gets here, I suppose we’re as ready as we’ll ever be.

Busy little bee

Today I visited my friend’s babies in the NICU – they are adorable little munchkins and I can’t wait to see the chunky munkies they will grow into. 

There’s been busy-ness the last week or so, starting with my colonoscopy (follow up with my GI doc tomorrow), I went outlet shopping with momma and dada on Saturday and found bunches of great deals, with coupons!, Kodi bear needs his meds still, looking into getting a drop spindle so I can start spinning my own fiber… and on top of that my favorite online/local yarn type person is offering beginner dying kits! Squee! So excited 🙂

I got some really nice dress blouses and jeans and a couple of cute pairs of shoes. (I guess I am a girl after all!) I didn’t find a wallet, which was the one thing I was looking for and didn’t get so overall it wasn’t a bad 8+ hour shopping expedition. 

I get some of the most random messages still on okc… a guy messages me asking me what girls think about bisexual guys. I told him whatever floats his boat, assuming the girl is open minded (i.e. she’s not watching her guy make out with another guy) cause well, that’s just pushing it. Then the same guy asks if size matters and I told him yeah, it matters. I mean, lets not sugar coat it anymore – everyone has a cut off and this is just a different expectation. Yeah chicks are shallow, oops I guess cats out of the bag now. Again as long as your girl is happy who cares?

More fun: Kodi took my brand new jeans and buried his rawhide chew in my new pants. In the less than an hour I was gone … he took my pants out of the plastic bag and piled it nicely around his chew. Little bastard. 

Relief

My colonoscopy was yesterday morning and I’m glad it’s over and done with. Not because I was anxious about the procedure but because that cleansing stuff is disgustingly nasty. Seriously that suprep stuff was supposedly grape flavor but it was just disgusting… whenever I have to get this done again, I’m asking for the pills. I don’t care if there are 32, it’s better then that yuck I had to drink. The anxiety was more because of what the doctor would or wouldn’t find, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted them to see something, or not find anything. (Which would have been the better outcome?) 

Tuesday I was fortunate and was able to go home early and start the prep on time… in hindsight had I know how truly loathsome it was, I’d have worked the 12 possibly. I stayed with my mom and dad… and they said now you know what we have to do every 10 years. (They were very sympathetic). I said I never wanted to do this again! The prep was by far the worst part of this whole process. I was finally able to go to sleep around 12:30am in my yummy waterbed. Slept like a log – when you’re not allowed to eat after 12 noon, and it’s all clear liquids till midnight on top of cleansing – it’s physically exhausting. I remember lying like a limp dishrag on my bed watching Chopped and mommy coming in to ask me for lunch ideas the following day. No energy at all 😦

Wednesday morning Mommy drives me to the endoscopy suite, where I fill out paperwork and wait to get the show on the road. I found out my nurse anesthetist works at the same hospital I do, just on nights. Small world isn’t it? She’s really good though! The last thing I remember is being helped to lie on my side, and then she told me that was it, all I had to do was breathe – and that’s it! The next thing I remember is the nurse saying “Jen, you’re all done”. I was surprised, I asked her if it was over already? She told me yes and that we were just waiting for my ride to pick me up. I asked her the time, and the scope itself only took 30 min. I said they could have kept me asleep a little longer… it was a really good sleep. Got home had mommy made me a grilled ham and cheese with grilled onions.. so yummy after not being able to eat for 24 hours! I visited with my aunt and her sister’s in law for a little bit, and then crashed for 3 and a half hours. @_@

Honestly I feel like I could sleep all day today as well. Momma drove me home, and when Dadda came to pick her up we went out to dinner at a local Italian place down the street from me and K. Came home and said hello to all my fuzzies – who apparently missed me! And figuring out parking for tonight and where my smart trip cards are.

Comedy show tonight!