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Warning signs of an abusive relationship

Dec29

Because for some reason, the holidays bring out the best, or a lot of the times, the worst in people.

https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/12/health/early-signs-of-intimate-partner-violence-wellness/index.html

Highlights include:

1. You and your partner have sex even though you’re not in the mood.

2. You feel like you can’t say no to your partner.

3. Your partner doesn’t admit when they’re wrong.

4. Your partner compares you to other people.

5. Your partner reacts negatively when you say no to something they want.

“Other common early red flags include a partner saying all their exes were crazy, being rude to waiters, harming animals or resisting getting to know your loved ones, Balan said. Coming from abusive households, discouraging hobbies that nurture you, being unable to soothe their own emotions or closely following what you’re doing online are other signs.”

I have hindsight behind me but even if I had read the article I would have had to face many uncomfortable truths about my relationship and short marriage that I would not have wanted to deal with. There are several more warning signs on the list and my ex-husband hits the majority of them.

It’s taken years

Nov5

For me to work through my emotional trauma. I’ll be honest, I’m still working through it, because it’s not something that just magically goes away. I have pretty much all good days and there aren’t too many things that trigger an overwhelming emotional response that causes me to completely shut down. Now it’s just mainly… an annoyance. For example when my ex messages me on Facebook about having a stalker. Why would I care first of all, as long as this person isn’t stalking me I could not care less who is stalking him. To be completely honest knowing how my ex-husband behavior he pissed off someone, or he is trying to frame a completely innocent person. Honestly either option is completely within the realm of possibility.

It took 9 years for me to get his shit out of my head enough to get the truck I wanted. Why? Because he said I didn’t need one because of the expense. It was always about what he wanted and what he could spend – anything he wanted the price didn’t matter. But I got yelled at for buying toilet paper and paper towels and cleaning supplies for the house. Or god forbid I buy a paperback once a month, that was too much money, only because it was for myself and not money spent on him.

Same with getting a Bengal kitten – too expensive so I adopted my 2 beautiful kitties that I had over 15 years instead. I am not regretting them at all but I’ve always wanted a Bengal ever since former roomie had such a beautiful brown Bengal girl. I now have a bengal who burrows under the cover to snuggle with me at night, and kitty lap snuggles all the time.

It’s been over a decade now and all those emotional wounds aren’t healed as well as I thought they were. Having a supportive husband helps. So does that really big fucking truck and 2 adorable silver kittens.